When you’re being used, you may not want to see something that’s right in front of your face, but your friends and family won’t have the same problem.So if they’re worried about you, you really should pay attention.In this instance, you really need to take a look at why you’re trying to bail this person out all the time.
It normally starts out simply enough, with someone who seems really sensitive and interesting and reflective and ‘not like everyone else’. And yet before you know it, once they make you feel comfortable, you’re in total f*ckboy territory. While it often sneaks up on us, we all know what being used looks like on someone else.
“I think the signs that you are being used are actually pretty clear,” relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein tells Cosmopolitan UK. Are you always explaining to your friends that your partner is just tired or stressed — saying that’s why they’re being rude to you or not making the effort? “The basic yardstick for telling whether you are being used or not is to take a good look at how you are being treated,” Aimee says.
But hey, that’s cold comfort when women are putting “six feet tall, minimum” in their dating profiles and your friends all call you “Short Round”.
The thing is, as with many other masculine insecurities, this is predominantly in our heads. Worse, I’m the shortest of all my friends who range from 5’1o” on the short side, to 6’7″ on the tall side.
They normally have a more objective view of the situation and they have your best interests at heart.
You show up with soup and paracetamol when they don’t feel well, but they’re nowhere to be found when you’re under the weather?
But if you’re constantly feeling small, underwhelmed, let down — you know, that knot-in-your-stomach feeling — you need to take a look at the relationship.
Something is really off and there’s a good chance you’re being used.“The reason it sometimes gets confusing is if people don’t want to see the signs and end up in a bit of denial,” Aimee says.
“They might not want any sort of serious relationship, but they like you and you might generally feel good in this situation,” says Aimee. If you’re not comfortable with the relationship and they know you want more than they do, they’re using you. If you really like someone, admitting you’re being used is likely to be the last thing that you want to do.
You may feel like the fact that they’re using you is embarrassing— that it’s finally acknowledging they’re not as into you as you are into them. Because admitting that you’re being used just means that you’re with the kind of assh*le who uses people.
“You can generally use your own feelings and comfort level as a good yardstick,” Aimee explains.