My mom has been a hard to get devotee since the tender age of 16, when she developed her first crush on a boy who would always wait until the last minute to ask her to hang out.
Every afternoon, she would pull up a stool and wait by the phone for him to call. “Next time he calls last minute, you’re going to very sweetly tell him you already have plans,” she said. Nevertheless, the next time he called, my mother begrudgingly played coy and turned down his invitation. He never called last minute again.“It made me think that my grandmother had some sort of mystical wisdom,” my mom told me.
“You can’t get too bogged down by the so-called rules, i.e.
The philosophy of “playing hard to get” has been instilled in me since birth — partially because, without it, my birth might never have occurred.
Per the story my parents have rehashed for years, hard to get was the domino that tipped their relationship from dating into engagement.
Curious what a relationship expert would have to say, I spoke with Monica Parikh, dating coach and founder of School of Love NYC. “But I do advocate developing a confident and detached style of dating.” When I asked her what she meant by detached, she said, “Detachment is the most important (and difficult) skill to master in dating. Maybe hard to get is best defined not as a sneaky strategy to feign disinterest, but as a manifestation of confidence and self-respect — and it ought to be deployed accordingly.
"I don't want someone who puts mind games higher on the list than honesty."When you're out at the bar and you spot a cutie, playing coy and making eye contact from across the room is one way to get his attention.
It’s like getting thrown in a pool without floaties and being expected to know how to do a perfect backstroke. “It’s a two-sided affair to which both parties have agreed, and the norms need to be more egalitarian.
Gender norms aside, I also dislike textual marination and the other ‘hard to get’ techniques. We need to drop the schoolyard shtick.”Tim agreed with Julian, at least in part: “There is something very attractive when a woman takes the initiative to reach out and organize dates,” he said.I think the outcome isn’t dictated by someone playing hard to get with me, but rather how I’m already feeling about them and the relationship.It’s never going to be a put-off, but it’s not always going to be a successful strategy either.”When I asked a handful of female peers what they thought, my friend Eliza (age 25) beelined to the biggest potential pitfall of playing hard to get: “I believe it can be effective, but I’ve also had the problem where I play so hard to get that it seems like I’m disinterested even though I’m not.”Pippa, also age 25, agreed that playing hard to get only works if you don’t take it too far.That same wisdom, as it turns out, has been propagated as the gold standard of dating advice for centuries.When I told Jennifer Wright, author of , that I was curious about the historical origins of this approach to courtship, she quipped, “If you think about it, Anne Boleyn is kind of the original queen (literally) of the hard-to-get strategy, because she initially refused to become Henry VIII’s mistress.”Touché. If you like someone, why purposefully act as if you in order to get them to like you back?Establishing a coy, flirtatious repartee I’ve many times employed the hard to get strategy myself, although I’m not sure how effectively. For example, are my current boyfriend and I together because I played hard to get?