So, marriage and family is kinda that thing that, okay, well, you know, you're probably gonna fall into it at some point or you gotta add it on or you know,it's like, well, if you're gonna be an accountant or a plumber, well then, maybe just be married and just sit in the suburbs or something. And so, that's why we see a lot of practicing at marriage, whether within dating relationships or cohabiting relationships. They want to be sure and in order to be sure, they feel they need more time. They need more connection with these people and that's why we see a lot of relational dysfunction. Lisa: Well, I think we are so and by "we," I will say, singles and especially in the younger generations here, we're so arrogant about what we believe marriage to be and how we feel we're gonna go ahead and contribute to it. And what I'm saying is, that guys use it as kind of the lowest common denominator for who they're gonna go ahead and date.
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Teaser: Lisa Anderson: So I was at my parents' house and I was sitting there and it just dawned on me that I was actually 30-years-old.
And not that I didn't know that I was single, but it was that realization of the weight of a story that I had not scripted that was actually mine.
I can't tell you how many people I know who are out there dating people who have no business dating, because they can't get to marriage within the next 10 years say. Jim: --that I liked, but I didn't have that same —Lisa: Yeah, well—Jim: --going, "Wow, she's the one." I did with Jean. Lisa: --there's a difference between going on a date with someone and this is where I say we need to actually infuse a little bit more of a light-heartedness and a casual nature for it—Jim: Just friendship. You know, he knows her favorite drink at Starbucks.
Lisa: --just going out on a date, asking someone to coffee because they interest you, because you know, you think there's something neat about them, whatever. They can sense tone in one another's voices, but there's absolutely no stated relationship. And generally it starts out under the premise of friendship, but then one person becomes connected.
What I'm talking about is being in an exclusive dating relationship with someone. One person starts having feelings for the other and so, we'll say because you know, let's just talk about my story.
Jim: That's where you—Lisa: That's where I think—Jim: --need direction. (Laughter) We'll say it's the female in this sense. I have known women that have done guy's laundry in this kind of situation.It is, but people associate marriage and parenting with Focus and so, they're like, "Well, what does Boundless have to do with that? Lisa: And so, why don't we start preparing marriages and families from the get-go and inspire them to mature in Christ, to kind of grow up into adulthood, take on the responsibilities that are inherent with that and then, move towards that next phase that God has for them. Jim: Where are we missing it as a culture to develop those healthy perspectives, so that marriage is back on a solid platform? I think there's gonna be a resurgence actually—Lisa: Uh-hm. Lisa: It's very true and you see it within Millennials." And I always like to tell people, well, you know what? If it's marriage, if it's celibate service or singleness, whatever that is, we want them to be equipped for it. Jim: --because like you said a moment ago, there's gotta be a connection to reality. Jim: --I mean, it does take a change of temperament, because I think marriage has been bullied—Lisa: Uh-hm. Some are fearful, because they've seen their Christian parents not do so well—Lisa: Absolutely. They are the product of the largest divorced generation in history, which is the Boomers.Women on the other hand, have this idea that one of the things I share with women is, that we've gotten this notion that we are princesses. Jim: In fact, Lisa, you talk about five reasons your love life is a disaster or doesn't exist and one is, you're waiting for "the one." That's kinda what you describe there, waiting for prince charming. Lisa: To understand that there are a number of people and in fact, in the book I say, "Conservatively let's say hundreds in the world that you could be attracted to, fall in love with, serve with, have kids with, raise a family with and completely be in the will of God."You know, marriage is, as you guys know, being married, you know, what God ordains it as and then what you make it.We've been told this by our youth groups and anyone else. Lisa: --we're children of the King, which is legitimately true, but we get this princess mentality that, I'm a princess, so I deserve a prince and he better be perfect and he better be the ultrasensitive guy and he better be everything that's on my 50-point list, which no joke, I had and I wrote it out in junior high and was told to pray over it. You build into it and so, I encourage single young adults to approach it by saying, "Look, I need to find this person that has a very few, but very important qualities" and I mention those in the book, as well. (Chuckling)Lisa: Yeah, so that actually plays into a little bit of what I just said, as these people that are out there dating because it's something they do recreationally, 'cause they feel like they should be in a relationship.or Miss Right and then they make the move and they may be 30 before that happens. Lisa: Yeah, no, my mom was married 50 years before my dad died and for her, the process of moving into marriage was very natural. And she doesn't understand the culture that I'm in now, where you are building a career or you're having fun and you're traveling across Europe or you're finding yourself or you're picking out of a myriad of choices and it just confuses her. I'm gonna meet some amazingly godly guy who's also super attractive and possibly wealthy.