More than looks, more than money, more than whatever nebulous definition you want to give to “value” or “status”, the most attractive aspect of a man, that x-factor that nets him attention, attraction and dates is… Over the years as I was trying to make my transition from “dateless loser” to “ladies man”, I got to know a wide variety of folks who were good with women.
Some were blessed with every advantage – classic good looks, money and charm – while others had to work for their success.
And yet there were a few people in my social circle who could – to put it charitably – punch well outside of their apparent weight class.
This is part of why a sense of humor ranks so highly in every poll about what makes men attractive.
Laughter produces endorphins that go straight to the pleasure centers of your brain and relieves physical tension and stress in the muscles making you feel more relaxed.
It’s known as the Reward Theory of Attraction – we are attracted to people whose presence or behavior makes us feel appreciated and liked.
When the feeling of pleasure at a person’s involvement in our lives outweighs the costs (someone who’s fun to hang around with but who causes problems through his behavior, for example) then we tend to be drawn towards that relationship over others.
My friend Miles – he who attracts women the way cheese attracts mice – was successful not just because he looked like the bastard son of Hugh Grant and Rob Lowe but because he knew how to be fun.
He was naturally outgoing and positive and instinctively understood how to make people feel good, how to feel guy who liked to tease and play around with everyone – especially the girls he was attracted to – and they would respond with great enthusiasm.
Their secret was very simple: they were fun to hang around with. It gave them a notable, long-term advantage over the guys who were all surface and flash, the ones who only had a handful of tricks and routines to rely on and the ones who got by on social pressure and status games.
If you talked to them, then you were going to enjoy yourself. they all loved these guys within minutes of meeting them. It took me a while to appreciate just what they had but once I understood, it was like a new world opened up to me.
Fun people make others feel comfortable and have a better grasp on how to read people’s signs and moods and can adjust themselves as needed.