Am I attractive enough for him (generally, not just physically)?Does he truly believe I'm worth pursuing a relationship with?Q: I just got dumped by my girlfriend a couple weeks ago.
You may also want to try out being sort of a “mystery man.” Many women prefer dating partners who are not very obvious about their feelings at the start of the relationship because it violates their norms about what it means to be “manly,” In the long-term, warmth and responsiveness are good, but keeping it low-key at the start cannot hurt. If you are talking to her about future plans together at month 3, then you, as the man in the relationship are moving way too fast and it will cause her interest in you to decline. Good points, Jack-In fact, the "mystery man" approach you advocate is exactly what the scientific research I cited at the end of my answer suggests doing.
If it makes you feel any better, she may feel guilty or bad about rejecting you, as rejecters oftentimes feel as bad about ending things as the person who was dumped. Harman's research examines relationship behaviors that put people at-risk for physical and psychological health problems, such as how feelings and beliefs about risk (e.g., sexual risk taking) can be biased when in a relationship. I agree that this may be the most likely reason she backed off.
She seemed very much as "into" the relationship as I was - sending loving texts and buying me gifts.
Then all of a sudden, as if overnight, she got cold and distant, and then she dumped me the next day.
People with this style are oftentimes torn about their feelings and do not know how to handle them.
As a result, she would have appeared ambivalent; hot one minute and then cold the next.
I know it is not easy to make sense of things when they end so quickly, especially given the lack of a rational explanation for why it ended as it did. While I'm sure there are dozens of psychological studies and theories out there that both support and refute my advice, the only thing I care about is reality. Situations were the guy is completely into a woman right from the beginning (and lets her know) actually end badly for the guy a lot more than most people realize.
It sounds like you began with good intentions to start the relationship slowly, but you may want to take it even slower with your next relationship. You said you started things slow but the intensity slowly ramped up. And in reality, regardless of the theories, when the guy takes things slower, and paces himself and his emotions, and doesn't fall head over heels for the girl right from the start, the results are much better for the guy on many levels. Although there are situations where it works out great for the couple, these situations would have worked out well even if they had taken things slowly.
I'm a woman, and personally prefer an honest, straight-forward man.
I'm aware that 'playing it cool' isn't necessarily dishonest, but for someone like me with certain types of insecurity issues (does he like me?
Things seemed to be going great right up until she dumped me.